Either way, the fact that husband is freaking out and polling friends sounds like he, at least, needs to speak with a therapist, and both of you together would be even better to tackle this problem (the problem being his anxiety and the way its impacting your relationship, not the fact you need to travel). It is NOT his choice whether you go! Sometimes, well even travel to the same city together, but then spit up and hang out with two completely separate groups of friends. Ah, but you have a job, and Im guessing are presumably a more equal breadwinner in your household. Its hot and windy and dry and sand gets every where. Everybody is in agreement! If this resonates with you, OP, about your husbands behavior, something important to know is that there is no appeasing this line of thinking. Furthermore, Vegas ALSO markets itself as a family vacation and business conference destination. Companies have meetings there because the hotels are set up for them, and its incredibly easy. Ack. Unless theyre all really churchy (and the OP didnt say), if any of my previous partners said that, Id give it massive side-eye. Hang up the phone, turn it off, walk out of the room, leave the house and walk the dog or go for a drive, stop and get yourself a meal out somewhere. But if theyre just attending as a participant, they wont be working 20 hours a day. Thanks for the partially chewed chili on my keyboard. I dont think that would help the situation, however. I cordially dislike Vegas. I knew that Counsling was the best step but I needed professional advice to confirm my thoughts. Maybe this is anxiety and maybe it isnt not every illogical or inappropriate behavior is mental illness but mental illness is never an excuse to be controlling or abusive. I also suffer from anxiety that could be debilitating, if I allowed it to be. The whole letting her go thing could be controlling or abusive, but it could also refer less to physical ability to go there and more not letting her go in peace, or without a bunch of needy whining adult tantrums. Im someone who immediately leaps to the Worst Possible Scenario thanks to my anxiety. One casino is the same as another, the food isnt as good as it once was (you have to go off-strip for the REALLY good stuff), and its crazy expensive. He does worry about my safety. July 3 2022. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationwhere is ryan blankenship today. The veg option at the two meals at the convention center consisted entirely of iceberg lettuce salad). Good luck and please update us! Needless to say, I did not find this a compelling argument for reconciling. You can find prostitution and gambling in lots of cities, large and small, if youre looking for temptation. If you on a long car ride or your baby simply just doesn't like a car seat you obviously aren't going to stop every 5 or 10 min to take baby out and soothe him so you do it in the car as long as someone else is driving. I currently live in a part of London that Ive heard described as a no-go area for those reasons. He gets anxiety about it, but he doesnt try to stop me from going he knows it is part of my job. However, as hes not likely to acknowledge his issues without some therapy, couples counseling is probably a sensible place to ask him to start. However, she expresses that love with some convoluted discussion about the risk of driving a car 8 miles from our home to downtown. I think part of this relates back to a topic thats come up here before: people who dont travel for work think its fun but the people who do travel for work spend the whole time in meetings, seminars, conferences, and never get to explore whatever city theyre in. I think it was just awkward phrasing and the intent of the update meant his friends objected to the very idea of letting their spouse go to Vegas. Las Vegas is not my favorite place ever because I dont love big crowds or gambling, but its just a city. Sorry, that isnt useful. They were both married to other people, started an affair that weekend, and eventually left their spouses. Whenever we visit, we have to stay in their house, which is dirty and only has one working bathroom. Slot machines are boring, table games make me anxious, I dont like to lose money when I could shop with it instead. Not because I felt unsafe (though I kind of did, but I could remind myself that was because of CSI and not because of logic) but mostly because it was also not clean enough for my standards and the savings werent worth it the amount of time I spent trying to get places. My spouse travels for work all the time. I am sitting in my car at the airport catching up on AAM before I get back to life and guess where I came from? We are the City That Never Sleeps, remember? And of course brains being not rational, could be a whole soup of something bad will happen which combines kidnapping, cheating, meeting someone else and Vegas-marrying them despite already being marriedregardless, I think OP should go on the trip. One suggestion is to be sure that any connection you two have while youre on the trip is done in private. Since its also a town that does very well at marketing itself as a destination for conferences (their facilities and amenities are really good, and I imagine their pricing is great because of demand is high enough to keep them low) then it makes sense that your work is choosing it as a place to send the managers since it sounds like an out of town conference is generally a thing they need to do. Yes, he needs to settle down, and no, Im not suggesting she sacrifice her career because he is stressed, but it really is BOTH their problem. One ofour Bright Side readers sentus ane-mail pouring her heart out about atricky situation shes going through. I think. Updated on July 08, 2011. We actually started in couples counseling and it was working through that process that convinced him to go to individual counseling and go on medication. Go on your trip! Yeah, there are definitely shady parts of Vegas, in the same way are in almost every city. However, its crucial that he recognizes his behavior as a problem and is committed to fixing it. Not everything is anxiety and depression, AAM commentariat. And the shopping! Because of that, my parents said I can bring a friend. What if you could guarantee there wouldnt be any impact on your career either way, and your husband didnt have an opinion either way? Why do you feel this way?. If youre from a community where a spouse needs to sign off on business travel and letting you go is a real thing, I suggest couples counseling to explore that. Absolutely. He might be in some kind of internet echo chamber, like one of the misogynist subreddits, and all the guys in there told him Shes totes just going there to have sex with random dudes! because thats the way those corners of the internet are. Again, not a concern for either of us. So yeah, this isnt something that everyone feels, nor is it reasonable. Same. Its been a while, but the last time I went to Vegas, we went to a Cirque du Soleil show, did a lot of shoe shopping, and took a drive out to the hoover dam (and took a cool tour). Though those are also the traditional bogeymen for women out on their own, as evidenced by the many people talking about their mothers fears. If we could afford flying we would have. Why he wants to go alone. Business trips are a normal fact of life in many jobs. I hope he can get help and is able to recognize this about himself, since you say hes a great husband otherwise. It may not be, in this case. Kj will notice if you dont come home one night.. Im going on a business trip to Vegas in a few weeks and Im grateful the conference is there rather then other difficult travel to destinations. Jealous? ? and his friends being like yeah man, Vegas is a scummy place for scummy people. In that couples case, I believe the wife was worried about being left alone at home, so the husband invited the wife to come with him on his trip, and at first she was planning to join him, but then her anxiety subsided and she decided to stay home and get together with friends in the hometown instead. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationguinness irish stew slow cooker. Then everyone is sober. Yeah, support common technique, but we dont know what we dont know, till we know it. Has he ever left the house? Oh dear. You dont ever want to put yourself in a position of relaying solely on his for financial support because you then lose the ability to leave if you need to. As sinful as it gets, I tell ya! We are leaving Saturday for a vacation on Florida. Im not diagnosing at all. I have a 3 yr old, almost 2 yr old, and 2 month old. If something was going to happen to you, it could be anywhere. Thank you for sharing this. You know you can go to Vegas and have fun and not be kidnapped or drugged. I can believe that he chooses to associate mostly with people who share his views on sin, evil, and temptation. He can see how boring Vegas really is. Yes its a confusing sentence but I believe the OP comments elsewhere that she wrote what she meant, the people her husband polled WOULD allow their significant others to go. Bigger point being ITS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS and not their place to weigh in. Yeah, my parents clearly decided that it was a great place to take the kids nearly 20 years ago, and it was. Rooms were kinda cheap, and Im sure the convention center was cheap. The OP should do both. This is a great space to write long text about your company and your services. The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. Shopping! Everyone thinks youre wrong.. On the one hand, youd have to be very clear that hed be on his own while youre in all those meetings/conferences/etc and that you cant spend that time with him but, on the other hand, it may be worthwhile to relieve his stress and anxiety. I was fine. And I do like some gambling. At such time as we see abuse brought up as gratuitously as anxiety is, you might just have a point. I would probably choose being single over him. But in that case Anxious Controlling Husband would worry the OP would leave him for a donkey, Nothing like a donkey show joke to class up a comment thread. And there usually are scenarios where getting permission is reasonable for a lot of people like if a spouse wanted to spend a lot of shared money or wanted to join a sports league that involved a big time commitment. The weather sucks in Vegas. There is almost always an office, a security guard, etc. Does he realize people, like, live in Las Vegas and have perfectly normal lives? You know, because men never get kidnapped or roofied. Last time I was there staying at the Cosmo some HR conference started in the hotel (funny as an HR person) He is seriously out of whack and I would not put up with him. We talked about it a lot and it turns out that most of his fears were based on baggage from previous relationships (2 of his exes cheated). You go on trips, no one lets you go. Ive been unattached most of my life, and am in a life partnership now. Unless, its a SERIOUSLY homogeneous group, whichis possibleunfortunately. Does he not control other things about your life OP? Thats kind of hilarious because my ex was super upset the first time I went to Utah (current spouses family lives there), because he thought Id let our daughter be kidnapped by polygamists. Aw, hell gonna cancel my reservation then! None which should be affecting your ability to do your job. The kind of overwhelming, intrusive anxiety postulated here is still a control issue, 100%. That hes asked several people for their opinion, and said opinions are I wouldnt let my spouse go to Vegas without me! I think this is a valid suspicion. Yes, this. Just because some of the people in that culture are ok with it doesnt mean its magically not controlling behavior because its culture/religion. Its just worth knowing that having a long list of good traits doesnt mean you arent in a problematic relationship, or that you cant choose nope for your own emotional health. I find this so interesting. He might have a collection of like-minded friends who really would agree with him. I do the same. I ate at the bars of a few nice restaurants. Updated: June 23, 2020. We both very quickly realized its quite safe, and a really interesting place to be, in a good sense. This was not such a culture. Its partially a trust issue, and partly the horrible stories some people tell themselves. I loved the weird, entertaining shows on the street, the warm evenings, the bustle and cheer. I did manage to save the relaionship (even though Mothers anxiety never went away; be prepared for that too) I truly hope that you can save your relationship with your spose, OP. Unless hes got super-deep anxiety, how do you just kind of throw out but you might CHEAT on me if you go to Sin City!! Whats real is my wife is going for a walk in a safe area, shes smart and wouldnt put herself in danger, and the chances of anything happening to her are incredibly low. One woman I met recently on a week-long work trip said it was the longest time shed been apart from her husband in 15 years. My mom too! Most of the shows arent appealing, either, and theyre almost all too expensive. My mom cancelled their first date and was always busy when he tried to reschedule until she finally gave in. I mean, we really cant say from the letter which it is, but its so easy to read into it either anxiety or controlling/toxic depending on what weve personally experienced. Or leave? I understand where youre coming from, but even if this is exclusively his issue, joint therapy sessions can help each partner understand the others perspective. Ive lived in Vegas for over a decade and have attended many, many conferences here as well as in other cities. Remember the man who wanted his female co-worker to dress like a Little House on the Prairie extra? And yeah, they probably need some counseling, and people often start off with Marriage counseling before moving on to individual counseling *on advice of their counselor*! What helped me was to realize that this is something Im prone to do, recognize it when its happening, and mentally tell myself whats real and whats not real. Youve talked about what your husband thinks of the trip, and what you reckon the impact of going and not going would be on your career. Your level of trust in him. You could likely even say to a bystander, hey something is weird here, and they would help you. That sounds like you, AP but the LWs husband sounds like the former. Yeah, Im wondering who would even give this sort of advice. Also deploying the well everyone else thinks youre wrong too thing is a really immature way to work through a disagreement. They live there with partners and children, even! Sure there used to be a lot of strip joints, etc., but now the most naked people are in the Cirque shows, and they just look naked. LWs spouse is overreacting for sure. :D. Naked Business Orgy in Vegas is what Im naming my metal-covers-of-show-tunes band. Its tough but definitely not impossible. This isnt a man with an anxiety problem. I worked 100 hours in 8 days. It seems like almost everyone is misreading this update. Could be true. Haha! People dont completely change upon touchdown in Vegas. Go. Other than that, we gambled, we ate a lot, we walked a lot, saw a lot of family-oriented and kid-oriented activities swam in the hotels outdoor pool. Absence doesnt make the heart grow fonder, it ruins relationships and I am 3 decades in. <3. This makes a lot of sense, and I think its a good strategy. Its like I encouraged a learned behavior. Oh man, the broken-glass-on-the-kitchen-floor-for-a-month dude! Or is it just that hes an anxious person in general? It could partly explain his reaction. The obvious thing is that anxiety, fear and control issues are not rational, and no matter how many times you state the reality, it wont change a thing. We stay at mid-level resorts and usually pay about $40 a night. Seriously. Its a him issue. I know Im a good driver, and that I can handle this, but every time you have these little worry fits you make me doubt myself. That was one reason I had to STOP watching so much Law N Order / Criminal Minds / CSI / whatever. I have anxiety, and so does my husband and this isnt really an anxiety reaction, but a control issue. But instead of abuse and control and severely anxious the LW might be part of a cultural/ethnic subgroup where her role as breadwinner (and one that is doing well) that is a woman who is making more than husband is not the norm in her community and there is all sorts of talking/gossiping/pressure in the background at play. But I suspect if I went for leisure, Id be bored out of my ever-loving mind. Sometimes, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas because it was incredibly boring, like three days of being in windowless conference rooms. Do NOT potentially sabotage your career over this, especially if you are the main breadwinner. Nothing magical about Vegas. Same here. Food! After the last Vegas conference 4 years ago, where more people got fired for misconduct than should have, my company has put a stop to holding regional or national conferences there. That may be an overreaction, but something clearly isnt working between you two, and he sounds emotionally abusive. I want to push back, snark, in case anyone else reading sees your comment and decides that couples isnt a good course of action because the issue is with one person in the couple. Its not really a fun place to go for work. She worries about me being out alone after dark and it gets dark at 4:30 p.m. in the winter here. Surely you jest! Or hes over-reporting the level of agreement he got? This concern is not about risk of harm, it is about trust in your judgment. Going to the store and picking out our own groceries is the easiest thing in the world for us. Especially if you think it is an anxiety-stemming thing, instead of a control-stemming thing. I LOVE it when my wife travels. he needs to straighten hisstuffout. Unlikely if its not part of her character, but certainly more possible than in Eerie, Pennsylvania. Me: I dunno, man, that seems pretty significant to me. Do I refuse to go to save my marriage or go on the trip and try to keep good stance in my company? If youre not and this is out of the blue, it really sounds like his anxiety is getting the best of him (especially with the note about kidnapping), and he might need more individual help. Ive known many a controlling spouse, but most of them know to keep it in check when it comes to the providers job. -OPs husband, probably. There are tons of huge conferences that take place there all the time. If the boundaries within a family are so entangled (by normative American standards), it really is an asset to the couple when their partner has the skills to navigate those extended relationships. I actually didnt tell her I got K&R insurance when I worked in the Philippines and had to travel to an area where nearby skirmishes were going on and kidnappings WERE a concern. Echoing this. Fiance knew this, but he was taking no chances. Good points. hahaha, further confirmation of your choice. No constant phone calls/other distractions.) Its simple to plan a conference because food, rooms, space are all within one building. But my wife really worded it in a way to get the Im a crazy jealous husband. Youre obviously free to disagree, but I think its archaic and not okay. You are not required to live it with someone who makes you miserable and is not willing to work on the problem. Ultimately I did choose my career over my marriage and now Im in the the middle of a divorce because of it. Oh, every election season angry people show up at 538 to explain that a poll of their social group shows 100% agreement with OP on everything, and so clearly the official polls are generated by a Vast Conspiracy. If your husband wont go to counseling, go alone. But truly, its a secondary concern here. Funny, random story (OP, do not tell your husband this), one of my husbands coworkers met his wife while they were both on trips in Vegas. Life is short. And then a few answers like well, I wouldnt exactly be happy and yes, Jane needs nine hours of sleep every night and Id really miss her can be heard as my friends wouldnt like it either. From there, LWs husband might turn even one joking Id tell her she had to stay home, they cant make her go into I asked my friends, and they wouldnt let their wives do that, and might not even realize that this wasnt what all of his friends thought or how their marriages work. You travel with the rest of the managers in your company, and I would assume many of them have spouses (and presumably most are able to handle behaving like a responsible adult). I call him every day to give him some reassurance that Im fine, and that helps. I dont think anyone is acting like they havent heard the reputation, were just saying its silly and outdated. Never! Studies show that men who are outearned by their wives and cannot cover the households bills with their own income generally act out more about their successful wives. So your husband just told you he wants to go away for Labor Day. Vegas strip is basically just that a massive neon strip mall with lots of people. I go to Vegas twice a year for fun, and while you can get into the seedier side of it IF YOU WANT TO, its also very, VERY easy to not get into it all. It got dark on my (2-hour!) And it also sounds like this is unusual in their area, so its not a situation that he sees tons of people going through unruffled. Women will agree with a spouse to avoid conflict. As Allison said, people travel for work all the time. I bet youll have fun. It was literally created by the mob and has legalized prostitution and gambling. This is a relationship problem, not a work problem. Very true, which is why I separated the two as control/abuse; theyre not necessarily part of the same package. Dont try to rationally argue with him; much like a toddler, he isnt thinking rationally and it will get you nowhere. Either his friends are also super controlling and/or prone to irrational fears or he totally fabricated the story about asking if other people would let their wives go to Las Vegas for work. Not a single word uttered). The Sin City stuff is absolutely the product of creating a specific image through decades of marketing, not necessarily a real reflection of what its like. Im going to Vegas and thats the end of discussion. Your husband is way overreacting and yall need to figure out why. *Now having said all that, I 100% agree that the husband is over-reacting*. Group Leaders communicate with staff moderators and escalate potential violations for review, but they dont moderate discussions. Bookings are open for June, July, and August family vacations in 2023, with per person prices starting at $3,699. What happens in counseling is that the controlling spouse learns new language to gaslight and manipulate their partner with, and things get worse instead of better. Just the past 2 weeks Ive taken a 3-day hiking trip, completely alone, and also a trail running workshop weekend with a group of other runners. Autor de l'entrada Per ; Data de l'entrada columbia university civil engineering curriculum; hootan show biography . I can tell you thisd be a divorce-level issue if I did it with my wife. Congratulations. : Dont bring your kids to The Thunder Down Under that show doesnt have anything to do with the weather) but its pretty safe, relatively speaking. You really, really have no basis for this. OP, do you think hes more worried for you (someone will spike your drink, youll get kidnapped) or worried about you (youll cheat on him)? I have family in Henderson and go there every February to escape the snow. I was admittedly super jealous when Booth got to go to Orlando because Disney World is a lifelong obsession of mine, but I didnt beg him not to go, or tell him that all the other wives I spoke to wouldnt allow it . Projecting your particular set of issues on to everyone else really is not helpful. But, sometimes there are letters that just make me want to scream. I would not be surprised if those are who his friends are. I was thinking as I read the description, this sounds like its coming from someone who has never been on a business trip before (and re: the kidnapping, someone whos watched too many movies). If its phrased as Wife wants to go to Vegas without me for 3 days but go with a bunch of random guys Ive never met before!. I dont know that I am articulating this as succinctly as I could be, but I hope you know where Im coming from. Each year my entire family goes to the beach at the end gets a beach house where we stay for a week. But this type of situation cant stay like this, so dont jeopardize the ability to support yourself when things get worse. I understand having those anxious thoughts, absolutely, especially if youve been cheated on in the past but if youre at the point of accusing your partner that theyll take some hypothetical opportunity to cheat and are foricng them to defend themselves from a purely hypothetical accusation, there are serious issues. I thought it was supposed to be would NEVER let their significant others go. Its the kind of autocorrect my phone makes; even/never. A Group Owner is a member that has initiated the creation of a group to connect with other members to share their journey through the same pregnancy & baby stages. The thing is, if you go there repeatedly the sheen really does wear off. 20 Times Nature Gave Us Something Unusual to Admire, If You Have a Sweet Tooth, These 13 Products Will Help Pave the Way to Your Heart, 10 Amazing Things for Your Home That Are Extremely Cheap Right Now, 10 Best-Selling Products Thatll Make Your Bathroom Worthy of 5 Stars, How Much or How Little the Cast of Jurassic Park Has Changed 30 Years After the Films Release, 10 Tiny Items From Amazon That Can Make a Huge Difference in Your Home, A Woman Dresses Like Celebrities to Prove Any Size Can Be Stylish, How Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen On-Screen Rivalry Lead to the Best Hollywood Bromance in Real Life, 11 Times Celebrities Undermined Traditional Upbringing Methods, 7 Amazon Deals That Can Make Your Skin Glow Without Hurting Your Wallet, Monster-in-Law / New Line Cinema and co-producers. It might even be a wonderful idea, under the right circumstances. Las Vegas hotels have cameras everywhere. Ifthis isjust aone-time thing, and heusually shares himself freely with you, then itmay betime for him tolook atwhy hedidnt want you there inthe first place. It makes me uneasy and I dont want to let her go.
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